Tribute #8 - My Birthmother

Tribute #8 goes out to Patti Shay - the woman who was brave and unselfish enough to give me up for adoption 41 years ago today.
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Some of you know that I'm adopted. Many probably didn't! That's ok....it's not something that comes up in normal conversation. Let me tell you a little about it.

Patti got pregnant in late 1969 while she was in the Marines. Having been raised by a single mom, my astounding late grandmother Ginger, she knew that I'd likely have a better life if she put me up for adoption. So, I was born on August 11, 1970 outside of Chicago and adopted 3 days later by my parents.

When I was in college I started getting curious about my birthmother. I think it's natural to wonder what your mother looks like, what your family history is and if there are medical issues to be aware of. I don't know that I ever gave it a LOT of thought....I just remembering wondering where I came from. I sent for my birth certificate, called the hospital where I was born and even visited the adoption agency once or twice hoping to find Patti's name accidentally left on a record or given to me by mistake by an admin. Illinois is a 'closed adoption' state - records are sealed and everything gets altered to make it appear as though your adoptive parents were the only ones involved.

Well....I didn't have much luck until 1996. I called the adoption agency again around the time when Dennis and I got engaged. I suppose the idea of getting married and having a family sparked that part of my soul that was curious. This time was different. The girl that answered the phone said 'she couldn't tell me anything but would take a look at my file'. I didn't think much of it until she called back a little later. She told me that there was a note in my file from my birthmother saying that if I ever came looking that she would want to be contacted. Or something like that. The girl told me that she couldn't give me my birthmother's name or number but would see if she could locate her. Well....she did. She called me back later and told me that she'd located my birthmother and asked me if I wanted her to call her and give her my info. I said I did - so she did and let me know that she'd successfully passed my information on.

Patti called me not long afterwards. We talked forever, sent letters and pictures, and arranged for me to come to Mesa, AZ to meet her in Sept 1996. I remember landing at the airport and walking off the plane.....(this is pre-9/11) and Patti was waiting at the gate. It was a really cool Oprah moment!! TV stations should've been there..

Anyway, fast forward 15 years. Patti and I have become great friends. She now has two granddaughters (she and her husband Terry never had kids) and a super son-in-law. Our family has gone to AZ several times for vacation. While we aren't your typical mother/daughter, we have a solid relationship and I love that we're part of each other's lives. Patti has two sisters and a couple of nephews, so my family has grown that much more.

My tribute is to Patti - thanking her for being unselfish many many years ago and giving me up for adoption.......and thanking her for having the love for me to let the agency know that if I ever did come knocking that the door would be open. How special it's been to get to know and love her and learn so much about where I came from. I love that my kids know her and know what she did and why. I love that my girls can understand how special adoption is and how maternal love is present in so many different ways.

My tribute is to Patti for giving me life 41 years ago today. May I honor her by making the most of it! Love you Patti!

Tribute #1 - My Parents

August is my birthday month. I've decided to write once per day about someone or something that has had a profound influence on the person I am today. Today, day #1, is about my parents.

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Mom and Dad adopted me when I was a newborn. Growing up Carolyn was pretty good - we had some money, took nice vacations, hung with the politicians (and probably got to do some out of the ordinary things because of that) and basically had it good. Mom was very cautious, Dad more of a risk taker. Mom was a teetotalling disciplinarian, Dad was a social guy who liked to have a good time. Interesting dynamic that continues today.

What traits did Mom and Dad possess that I now claim? Well....I don't think I'm much like my mom. I love her and am grateful for the leash she tried so hard to keep me on....but we're serious opposites. She's a worrier, a glass-half-empty kind of person. Perhaps those traits are so prevalent, and were so prevalent in my upbringing, that I've gone in the opposite direction. I don't tend to stress about much and always try to look on the bright side. My dad is practical, hard-working and has always prided himself on being honest. While these weren't always traits I embraced I'd like to think that I've come full circle to them.

Mom and Dad moved to Olive Branch almost 5 years ago to be closer to me, Dennis and the girls. My girls are their only grandchildren. It's nice having them close by....and probably best since they're not real young anymore.

Probably the coolest thing about Mom and Dad is that they'll celebrate 60 years of marriage this year. 60 years!! What an example! I know that they've had their ups and downs, but they've pushed through. Congratulations guys.

That's all for this tribute. I love my parents - they've poured so much into my life and I'm glad that we're still a big part of each other's lives.