Tribute #8 - My Birthmother

Tribute #8 goes out to Patti Shay - the woman who was brave and unselfish enough to give me up for adoption 41 years ago today.
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Some of you know that I'm adopted. Many probably didn't! That's ok....it's not something that comes up in normal conversation. Let me tell you a little about it.

Patti got pregnant in late 1969 while she was in the Marines. Having been raised by a single mom, my astounding late grandmother Ginger, she knew that I'd likely have a better life if she put me up for adoption. So, I was born on August 11, 1970 outside of Chicago and adopted 3 days later by my parents.

When I was in college I started getting curious about my birthmother. I think it's natural to wonder what your mother looks like, what your family history is and if there are medical issues to be aware of. I don't know that I ever gave it a LOT of thought....I just remembering wondering where I came from. I sent for my birth certificate, called the hospital where I was born and even visited the adoption agency once or twice hoping to find Patti's name accidentally left on a record or given to me by mistake by an admin. Illinois is a 'closed adoption' state - records are sealed and everything gets altered to make it appear as though your adoptive parents were the only ones involved.

Well....I didn't have much luck until 1996. I called the adoption agency again around the time when Dennis and I got engaged. I suppose the idea of getting married and having a family sparked that part of my soul that was curious. This time was different. The girl that answered the phone said 'she couldn't tell me anything but would take a look at my file'. I didn't think much of it until she called back a little later. She told me that there was a note in my file from my birthmother saying that if I ever came looking that she would want to be contacted. Or something like that. The girl told me that she couldn't give me my birthmother's name or number but would see if she could locate her. Well....she did. She called me back later and told me that she'd located my birthmother and asked me if I wanted her to call her and give her my info. I said I did - so she did and let me know that she'd successfully passed my information on.

Patti called me not long afterwards. We talked forever, sent letters and pictures, and arranged for me to come to Mesa, AZ to meet her in Sept 1996. I remember landing at the airport and walking off the plane.....(this is pre-9/11) and Patti was waiting at the gate. It was a really cool Oprah moment!! TV stations should've been there..

Anyway, fast forward 15 years. Patti and I have become great friends. She now has two granddaughters (she and her husband Terry never had kids) and a super son-in-law. Our family has gone to AZ several times for vacation. While we aren't your typical mother/daughter, we have a solid relationship and I love that we're part of each other's lives. Patti has two sisters and a couple of nephews, so my family has grown that much more.

My tribute is to Patti - thanking her for being unselfish many many years ago and giving me up for adoption.......and thanking her for having the love for me to let the agency know that if I ever did come knocking that the door would be open. How special it's been to get to know and love her and learn so much about where I came from. I love that my kids know her and know what she did and why. I love that my girls can understand how special adoption is and how maternal love is present in so many different ways.

My tribute is to Patti for giving me life 41 years ago today. May I honor her by making the most of it! Love you Patti!

Time To Check A New Box

Last week I turned "40". Yep, the big FOUR-OH. I remember back when I thought 40 was old, that things went downhill after that, that if I hadn't done 'it', whatever 'it' was, by 40 that it probably wasn't going to happen.

Well every single one of those preconceptions are WRONG!! I'm excited about 40! I feel great, have an awesome family, am in an exciting job and am expecting the best decade of my life. Take THAT "40"!!

So I got thinking about 'the first 40 years' then 'the next 40 years'. Those of you that have known me a long time, read my testimony or simply put forth the effort to get to know me the last couple of years likely KNOW a good bit about my first 40 years. A quick recap might read:

0-12: Spoiled kid with fairly prominent, connected parents
13-18: Undisciplined teenager, successful academically and athletically
19-22: Chemical Engineering degree, great job, moved away from home
22-25: Dependancy on all the wrong things - very hazy time
26-27: Met and married Dennis
27-34: Two children, crazy work, three moves, no work/life balance
34-37: Trying to figure out who I was and who I wanted to be
38-40: Finally allowed God full reign and started living/loving life

No way does that recap do the first 40 justice.....but it's a good outline. I am however WAY more interested in the what the NEXT 40 will bring. I'll write about that later.