Tribute #11 - Penny Rowan

Tribute #11 for my birthday month (which I'm still celebrating by the way!!) goes out to my most awesome forever friend, Penny Rowan.
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I think Penny and I met at Belvidere Jr High School. We probably played BYB softball against one another when we were younger....but I don't think we met til 7th grade. I wish I could remember how we met.....a class, volleyball, basketball or somewhere else. Doesn't really matter though....what matters is the friendship that we had in school, throughout college and even today.

Penny had I had so many things in common way back when. Off the top of my head;

1. Brains! Yep, we were a couple of smart cookies. We took many a class together back in the day.
   



2. Athleticism! I was a volleyball/softball girl, Penny was a basketball/softball girl. We played competitive softball together during our high school years and both went on to play sports in college.
   



3. Attitude! We both had a bit of a sarcastic side and were equally invincible. Penny and I were risk-takers, always loving the thrill of pushing the envelope. I may have been a little more of an instigator but I'm pretty sure I never had to twist Penny's arm.
   



4. Awesome parents! We were both blessed with great parents that raised us to be independent. While we took that a little too far at times and sometimes ventured a little off the deep end, they did a great job molding us into responsible adults.
   

Penny and I kept in touch throughout college, always visiting during breaks and meeting up at different campuses throughout the state of Illinois. After graduation Penny stayed in Illinois and I moved to Alabama. Today we stay in touch through Facebook and over the phone....we may not talk for a few months, but it's always like we just talked 'yesterday'.

I have so many funny memories of our times together.....sneaking out at night during sleepovers, all those toilet-papering escapades, wild times at softball tournaments and all the instances where we got busted by one parent or the other. I wish I had a nickel for all the lame excuses that we made!! There are even a couple of memories of when one of us got hauled off to jail and one when the other SHOULD HAVE been.....but those won't be described in detail here. =)

My best memories of Penny and our friendship are centered on the traits that make her who she is. Penny is first and foremost the most HONEST person I've ever run across. She might be blunt and may at times bypass her filter, but I can say that I've always loved that Penny told it like it was no matter what. During times when I needed her to tell me that something was wrong, she did it...in a loving way of course. Some of those times I really didn't want to hear it, but deep down I always knew that she was right.

Penny's COMPASSION is another trait that I love. Even back in high school Penny would stick up for the little guy and she would help someone that needed it. After college she went into teaching and now works with kids who are locked up - helping them gain the skills to get their GED and make something of themselves. Penny has been by MY side when I needed her.. .even if she didn't agree with what I was doing at the time.

Finally, Penny and I share a deep faith in Christ. She's been a good Catholic girl (no, I can't type that with a straight face....) most of her life and I've only been a Christian since the age of 24, but over the last several years, many of our best discussions have centered around how God is showing up in our lives and how we're growing in our walk. A friendship based on faith is certainly a special one....there isn't much that can break that foundation. It makes me smile now remembering that she came down from Illinois to Alabama one weekend 17yrs ago when I got baptized. Way back when I didn't realize just how special that was, but I absolutely realize it today.

Penny - you know that you are indeed a very special friend. We've had our moments, but in the end we've come back to knowing that our friendship was one that was meant to last. Sometimes you're my hero, but you're always my friend. Love you!

Tribute #10 - Surrounding Myself with Good

As a reminder - I am posting tributes to celebrate my birthday month. The plan was to give shout-outs to the things that have influenced me, turned me into the person that I am today.

Tribute #10 is a realization of sorts.....a shout-out to the importance of surrounding myself with good.

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I had an epiphany some time ago...it went like this: The people you hang out with have a much greater influence on your overall being than you can imagine. The people we want to be, the habits we want to learn, the skills we wish to have and the character we wish to exhibit are SO MUCH EASIER to attain if we surround ouselves with people who own these same characteristics.

If I want to better appreciate art, I need to find people that know and appreciate art and will willingly share their knowledge and passion with me. If I want to eat better and exercise more, then I can't choose to spend time with people that mistreat their bodies. If I want to be a better wife and mother, I need to spend time with women who love and honor their husbands and are the best moms around. I need to see them up close, observe their behaviors, understand their drivers and strive to emulate them. If I wish to be more gentle and compassionate, I can't hang around those that are always angry and out for revenge. Finally, if I wish to have a closer relationship with God, to better allow the Holy Spirit ot flow through me, then I must surround myself with people that can be that model that I need.

So what? Well, if you, or me, or anyone is unhappy with our behaviors, habits, moods, attitudes, etc.....doesn't it make sense to step back and ask ourselves WHO we're spending time with and WHAT we're spending our time doing? I've de-friended FB friends because their status was always negative or crude. I'll ask people to leave my office when all they do is stop by to complain or gossip. Conversely, I've sought out classes at church to help me learn and grow and have made a conscious effort to grow my relationships with ladies that I look up to and admire.

This idea isn't new but I haven't always tried to purposely surround myself with the things and people that are best for me. I do today....and it's working out pretty well. Find your poisons and rid your life of them....you'll be so much better for it!

Tribute #9 - Riverdale Mill Youngsters (a Haiku!)

Tribute #9 is a short, sweet, smile-inducing haiku written in honor of the 'Riverdale Mill Youngsters' from long ago. We were a group of 'just out of college' kids that spent 1992-1995 or so just plain having fun together. There are some REALLY fun memories from those days! Very few pictures though!!
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Drag queens and HoJohn's

Weekend gatherings at Don's

Good times had by all!!

Tribute #8 - My Birthmother

Tribute #8 goes out to Patti Shay - the woman who was brave and unselfish enough to give me up for adoption 41 years ago today.
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Some of you know that I'm adopted. Many probably didn't! That's ok....it's not something that comes up in normal conversation. Let me tell you a little about it.

Patti got pregnant in late 1969 while she was in the Marines. Having been raised by a single mom, my astounding late grandmother Ginger, she knew that I'd likely have a better life if she put me up for adoption. So, I was born on August 11, 1970 outside of Chicago and adopted 3 days later by my parents.

When I was in college I started getting curious about my birthmother. I think it's natural to wonder what your mother looks like, what your family history is and if there are medical issues to be aware of. I don't know that I ever gave it a LOT of thought....I just remembering wondering where I came from. I sent for my birth certificate, called the hospital where I was born and even visited the adoption agency once or twice hoping to find Patti's name accidentally left on a record or given to me by mistake by an admin. Illinois is a 'closed adoption' state - records are sealed and everything gets altered to make it appear as though your adoptive parents were the only ones involved.

Well....I didn't have much luck until 1996. I called the adoption agency again around the time when Dennis and I got engaged. I suppose the idea of getting married and having a family sparked that part of my soul that was curious. This time was different. The girl that answered the phone said 'she couldn't tell me anything but would take a look at my file'. I didn't think much of it until she called back a little later. She told me that there was a note in my file from my birthmother saying that if I ever came looking that she would want to be contacted. Or something like that. The girl told me that she couldn't give me my birthmother's name or number but would see if she could locate her. Well....she did. She called me back later and told me that she'd located my birthmother and asked me if I wanted her to call her and give her my info. I said I did - so she did and let me know that she'd successfully passed my information on.

Patti called me not long afterwards. We talked forever, sent letters and pictures, and arranged for me to come to Mesa, AZ to meet her in Sept 1996. I remember landing at the airport and walking off the plane.....(this is pre-9/11) and Patti was waiting at the gate. It was a really cool Oprah moment!! TV stations should've been there..

Anyway, fast forward 15 years. Patti and I have become great friends. She now has two granddaughters (she and her husband Terry never had kids) and a super son-in-law. Our family has gone to AZ several times for vacation. While we aren't your typical mother/daughter, we have a solid relationship and I love that we're part of each other's lives. Patti has two sisters and a couple of nephews, so my family has grown that much more.

My tribute is to Patti - thanking her for being unselfish many many years ago and giving me up for adoption.......and thanking her for having the love for me to let the agency know that if I ever did come knocking that the door would be open. How special it's been to get to know and love her and learn so much about where I came from. I love that my kids know her and know what she did and why. I love that my girls can understand how special adoption is and how maternal love is present in so many different ways.

My tribute is to Patti for giving me life 41 years ago today. May I honor her by making the most of it! Love you Patti!

Tribute #7 - Nichole Davis

Tribute #7 goes out to my very first friend in Prattville, AL. Nikki is one of the most special people in my life!
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Nik and I met the way I meet a lot of my friends....on the softball fields. I wrote the other day about the FBC-Prattville softball team and how special they were....well Nikki was on that team. Though we met in 1992, it was a number of years before we really became close friends. We played ball together and we'd occasionally do things outside of church, but we led really different lives back then. I remember a couple of poignant things about those early years. One.....I worked at a paper mill and would sometimes come into church after a Sat night midnight shift. I think Nikki would hope I didn't see her or surround herself with her teeny-bopper friends so I wouldn't sit by her....but occasionally I did. I don't think I realized how much I stunk after 8hrs in the mill. The other thing I remember, more fondly, was Nikki coming by my apt/house not long after I'd moved with a t-shirt. A birthday present. A 'No-Fear' t-shirt (remember when those were the rage?). It was the weirdest, most unexpected thing....but also one of the kindest things. It made an impression.

I don't know when we became close friends. Sometime in the mid-late 90's I suppose. We were pretty good friends by the time I had my first daughter, Sara, in 1998. We were in the same Sunday School class, still played softball together, and were part of a small group of couples that used to go out and do dinner/drinks in Montgomery on Thursday nights. Nikki had her first daughter shortly after I had mine...so we went through the whole 'first baby' thing together. We then had our second daughters right around the same time two years later. *For the record, she kept going and has FOUR kids now....I stopped at two.

Here's where Nikki becomes the soul sister that she is today. After spending almost 10 years in Prattville, AL, Nikki was the first friend that I shared my heart and soul with. She was there in the middle of the night one night when I needed to be heard, to be understood, to be loved on. I needed a friend to know me better than any other did. I needed a friend to simply know me. I had a lot of skeletons in my closet that did nothing but weigh my down and pull me under. Opening up to Nikki and being received with such love gave me the confidence to stop hiding in the shadows and start believing in myself. Had Nikki laughed at me, had she shrugged off my hurts, if she'd reacted in ANY way different from how she did, I wouldn't be who I am today. Nikki is a great mom, a great wife and an awesome friend. She has a heart of gold and a tender spirit. If you don't know her, well, you should.

Nikki and I haven't lived in the same city for over 8yrs now. We still get together every year in the Spring though for Girls Weekend and we've started a Black Friday shopping/ice cream tradition with our girls in Prattville the last couple of Thanksgivings. We keep up over the phone, on Facebook and through email. Nikki and I know that we have one another's backs....that NOTHING could break apart the friendship that we share. We've been through a lot together and have grown closer through it all.

I told you that Nikki was my first friend in Prattville. Maybe my first friend as a real adult! I'll also tell you that if I started counting the women in my life who are the most special to me, that I'd still have at least a couple of fingers left on the first hand when I got to her.

Love you Nikki!!

Tribute #6 - Hunting Camp Weekends

Tribute #6 goes out to the numerous girls weekends spent at Hunting Camp. Those weekends were "the best weekend of the year" kind of weekends!

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I may have the dates wrong, but from March 2001 to March 2010, a group of ladies would venture to the middle of nowhere (or so it seemed) for a weekend in the woods of western Alabama. The property was hundreds of acres of hunting land with an old farmhouse perfect for housing any number of people. The group started hitting the camp for a weekend when we all had small children....it was a 'sanity' weekend and an opportunity for our husbands to really bond with the babies. =)

We started with four of us...grew to six...and had a few years where one would be missing for whatever reason. There was a family death, a child hospitalization, other health issues and getting ready for a move that disrupted the group different years, but we managed to get together one way or the other. All but one weekend was at the camp.....in 2004 three of us spent the weekend in Pensacola instead in the world's smallest cabin. That year was also special because it was me with two pregnant women....not the wildest of weekends!

The weekends would be spent riding four-wheelers, cooking wonderful food and drinking coffee out on the porch in the rocking chairs. We'd catch up on our families, our jobs, our hurts and our happys - sometimes crying but mostly laughing as the weekend raced by. Only the first year or two did we all actually live in Prattville together.....two of us moved away shortly thereafter but again, we made it back, year after year.

These weekends were special for so many reasons. The opportunity to simply relax, to get away from the chaos of the house, the family, the job...this was essential. The opportunity to grow our friendships, offer support when there was pain or hugs when there was joy. This was special too. We shared so much during those weekends.

I'll say that I formed my greatest friendships over the years with these women. At 30+ years old, these were the women that I was finally able to knock down walls with, to be totally honest, to bare my soul. These were the women that cried and prayed with me as I struggled and fought to make sense of it all way back when.

If you're friends with me on FB, you can look through my photo albums....you'll see probably at least two or three albums from past Hunting Camps. Take a look and TELL ME they don't look like fun!!

Tribute #5 - Coach Freidel

Tribute #5 is written in honor of my high school volleyball coach - Katie Freidel. She was my varsity coach from my soph year through my senior year.....but she was so much more.
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Belvidere High School volleyball was strong. As a freshman, playing on the JV team, I got to see just how good the varsity team was and couldn't wait to be part of it. I was part of a pretty strong freshman class - or maybe simply a pretty tall one?? We had our 6'3" Kori-la, 6' something Lynnie and Bruyn who was 5'9" or 5'1o"? Throw in me and Jodie-la setting and some talented back row diggers (Ang/Amy/Pavlak) and we were GOOD. Volleyball was much fun!

Coach Freidel plucked me out of tryouts when I was a sophomore and said something to me that I remember TO THIS DAY. She said, "I want you to be my setter this year but I need you to promise me that you'll behave and stay out of trouble." She had a senior that year that probably should've been the starter, but she wanted to take me as a youngster and build me for three years. I committed to her that I would stay out of trouble and made varsity my sophomore year.

For the next three years, our core group plus the classes around us dominated the Big-10 along with Hononegah High School. Coach Freidel was the driving force. She was everything from tough guy to pushover, from professor to playground monitor, from coach to mom. Coach Freidel knew how to get the most from us! The things I remember most about her coaching were:

1. Preparation was key.
   I remember the printouts she would come to practice with....hand drawn scenarios, all kinds of offensive and defensive plays. We had a playbook in 1986! She drilled us and worked us both physically and mentally and made sure that we understood not only WHAT to do, but WHY we were doing it.
   


2. Reviewing our performance was important.
   We were fortunate to have someone who would film our games and we often spent time in the next practice watching and being critiqued. We heard not only what was done incorrectly, but what was done correctly. We learned and we improved.
   


3. Always do the best you can.
   There were several teams in our conference that we could beat with both eyes closed. However, Coachiela (what we really called her) was never satisfied with just a win. It was important that we didn't play down to our competition, that we didn't slack up because we were clearly better. Good life lesson, eh?
   


4. Nothing worth having is easy to achieve.
   We worked HARD. Two-a-days in the summer before school started, running the track and all that awful conditioning was just the beginning. We practiced hard every day after school....in fact there were drills that would sometimes bring tears. But we did them. We did them for ourselves, for Coachiela and for our teammates.
   


5. Be respectful.
   Our team was never allowed to showboat, never allowed to humiliate another team. We were taught early and often that we should respect the other girls....that they worked hard too.
   

All that said....here's how Coachiela had the BIGGEST impact on ME. She cared about me. Coachiela knew that I had a wild streak, she knew that rebellion was something I thrived on, but she also knew that deep down I was dealing with a lot of things that I don't think I even knew I was dealing with at the time. She became more than a coach to me and the others....she was a friend. She would stay after practice to chat, she'd check in with our teachers and she'd just keep all of us under her wing like any protective mother would.

I've been fortunate to stay in touch with Coachiela.....my respect for her only grows as I spend more time with her exploring our careers, our parenting philosophies and the universe in general. Of all the adults I encountered in my high school years, there is no question that Coach Freidel had the biggest (and best) impact of any of them. For that I thank her!

Tribute #4 - Fractured Friendships

Tribute #4 is a little different. I'm going to focus here on fractured friendships and what they've done to make me who I am today.
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Fortunately I haven't suffered from too many 'fractured friendships'. I've had several friendships that probably had potential to be special at one time....but due to my own fears about getting close to someone, I pushed them away through all sorts of bad behavior. A 'fractured friendship' would be something more significant than that.....it would be a SPECIAL friendship, a close, meaningful relationship, a person with whom I'd trusted everything with.....and that friendship would be gone for good. I can think of a couple, and while painful, led me to be the friend I am today.

One thing that fractured friendships have NOT done is drive me away from sharing, from baring my heart and soul to those that I love and trust. That close circle of friends that I have still get the pleasure of hearing every happy and every hurt in my life. Fractured friendships have not stopped me from growing and cultivating budding friendships - there are a couple really good ones in my life right now that I'm embracing. Fractured friendships have not made me wary of people.....I know that in order to have a friendship that is meaningful and two-way, that I have to be willing to give, to sometimes take that first big step, to open my heart and invite someone in.

Fractured friendships have made me a BETTER friend. To those that have stood by me, that have loved and cared for me, I've amped up message of my love and caring. Let there NEVER be a doubt where I stand. I learned through a book that every small 'thing' that can come between two friends must be dealt with immediately.....like bricks in the middle, if you don't tend to them and remove them, they start to pile up and can soon become a wall if you're not careful. Fractured friendships took me to that book and gave me some great insights on how to be a better friend. Fractured friendships have taught me to absolutely cherish those women around me that are special - to NEVER take advantage of their time, their kindness or their spirit. Fractured friendships have led me to check and double check that I am always being real and never leading someone to believe that they're something more (or less) to me than they really are. Fractured friendships have taught me to really listen, to really hear what my friends are saying and to care enough to respond.

So...maybe an odd tribute? To look back at friendships that have blown up, people in my life that have turned their back and walked away, and write a tribute to them? Yep. Because without these valleys in my life I wouldn't have grown to be the friend that I hope I am today. Blessings sometimes come through tears.

Tribute #3 - Kathy Hill and the FBCP Softball Team

Tribute #3 is to Ms. Kathy Hill and the First Baptist Church - Prattville, AL women's softball team. This is a story about how I became connected to a church, to a Baptist church, and ultimately to the woman who would lead me to salvation.

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I moved to Prattville, AL from college in May 1992. I don't remember what day of the week I moved into my apartment, but I remember that first Saturday very very well. I had seen a large softball complex in Montgomery (P'ville was a suburb) and decided to drive over on that Saturday morning to see softball in the south. Turns out there was a tournament happening so I went in. Keep in mind that I was tough to impress back then....I was a seasoned fastpitch softball player not real impressed with slow-pitch. I realized though that I was officially an adult and that slow-pitch was all that was left for me (sniff sniff).

So I walked around the complex, stopping at each field to watch the teams. I got to one field in particular and liked what I saw....these women almost looked like they knew what they were doing! I sat down on the far end of the bleachers and watched - keeping to myself. It wasn't long that this woman spoke to me in that sweet southern voice; asking me if I knew someone on the team or something like that. I was polite and made small talk with her - she ended up introducing herself as the coach's wife - Kathy Hill. I told her that I'd just moved to town and she immediately invited me to church. Convenient that she and her husband, the coach, were the singles class teachers. (Nice work God.....)

So that was the beginning. I DID go the next day and the next week and probably the next week. While my desire was simply to pick up on this team, I ultimately made some friends, witnessed some joy and became a Christian three years later with the help of one of my teammates.

How bout that!?? Thank you Kathy Hill for reaching out to me, for not staying in your comfort zone with your friends, for caring enough to say 'hi'. Thank you FBCP softball team for welcoming me onto the team and being my friends even though I probably wasn't the most Christ-like on the field (hahaha). Gotta give it up to God too for orchestrating the circumstances of that Saturday morning too.....it gives me chills every time I think about it!

Tribute #2 - Jaylo Fitness

Tribute #2 goes out to a man, Johnny Loper, and his business, Jaylo Fitness. Johnny, his trainers, and the regulars have been such an inspiration to me over the past two years. Honestly, joining up with Johnny has changed my life!

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I got started with Jaylo about two years ago after he started teaching Monday night classes at the church I attend. Several ladies that I know suggested that I 'try it out'....I finally did one Monday night. When I started, I was 170-175# and wore a size 12/14. What began on a Monday night turned into Monday night and Friday morning, then Monday night, Wed morning and Fri morning. For months I huffed and puffed and sweated and ached. But....I also felt better and started to notice my body changing. I got back into running last year as an aside. Although I felt better and was toned up some, I still hadn't really lost any weight.

Last November I got REALLY serious for about 6 weeks. I added another workout day, went on a strict eating plan and did the Advocare 24-day Challenge (supplements and diet). I dropped 25# and am now wearing a size 6 or 8 depending on the brand. In 2011 I've continued with 3 days a week of Jaylo plus 2-3 days of running and have continued to get stronger and firmer.

So that's what happened.....but let me tell you WHY this happened. Let me tell you about Johnny, the trainers and the people.

Johnny is amazing. He's in great shape, he's motivating and he's fun. But more than that....he's SINCERE and he truly cares about every person that walks through the door. He takes the time to get to know your name and hear your story. He pushes you, but with a kind hand. Johnny is a man who is not prideful - he is humble and attributes his success in life to his parents and to God. I can honestly say that I've never heard anyone speak an unkind word about the man!

Johnny's staff of trainers are just like him. They too are fun, energetic, motivating and dedicated. They also CARE about their clients. They're able to push those that are in great shape while tending to the newbies in the back that probably want to sneak out the door. Each has their own personality, their own style of training and their own strengths, but each is determined to give their all to each person that comes running (or kicking and screaming) in the door.

Finally, there are the other Jaylo disciples. There is a core group of 15-20 people that I have met over the past couple of years that are there as early and often as I am. They too have been transformed - I've watched it as I've watched myself. We stick together, we push one another and we check on each other when one goes missing for any amount of time. Most importantly, we encourage one another - either with kind words of praise or with a shout of 'c'mon....you can do it!!'. We are truly a family.

So....thank you Johnny and Jaylo Fitness for helping me to be the person that I am today. I feel better about myself than I ever have and it's affected every aspect of my life. Love you guys!!

Tribute #1 - My Parents

August is my birthday month. I've decided to write once per day about someone or something that has had a profound influence on the person I am today. Today, day #1, is about my parents.

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Mom and Dad adopted me when I was a newborn. Growing up Carolyn was pretty good - we had some money, took nice vacations, hung with the politicians (and probably got to do some out of the ordinary things because of that) and basically had it good. Mom was very cautious, Dad more of a risk taker. Mom was a teetotalling disciplinarian, Dad was a social guy who liked to have a good time. Interesting dynamic that continues today.

What traits did Mom and Dad possess that I now claim? Well....I don't think I'm much like my mom. I love her and am grateful for the leash she tried so hard to keep me on....but we're serious opposites. She's a worrier, a glass-half-empty kind of person. Perhaps those traits are so prevalent, and were so prevalent in my upbringing, that I've gone in the opposite direction. I don't tend to stress about much and always try to look on the bright side. My dad is practical, hard-working and has always prided himself on being honest. While these weren't always traits I embraced I'd like to think that I've come full circle to them.

Mom and Dad moved to Olive Branch almost 5 years ago to be closer to me, Dennis and the girls. My girls are their only grandchildren. It's nice having them close by....and probably best since they're not real young anymore.

Probably the coolest thing about Mom and Dad is that they'll celebrate 60 years of marriage this year. 60 years!! What an example! I know that they've had their ups and downs, but they've pushed through. Congratulations guys.

That's all for this tribute. I love my parents - they've poured so much into my life and I'm glad that we're still a big part of each other's lives.